mondays only: a trauma-informed approach to your inbox

(why I'm switching from daily emails to weekly summaries and what this means for navigating choice and apology)

Once upon a time in Oakland, CA, I taught at a middle school where the Principal was a very tall white man and the Assistant Principal was a Black man who did not keep his hands to himself. Every time there was a meeting, I would always be present, not because I wanted to, but because whenever the Principal invited me, I would say "yes." If he asked at the last minute, "yes." If I had somewhere else to go, "yes," and I'd cancel my previous commitment. I couldn't stand this man had so many meetings, but I’d show up with my resentments underneath my breath. (Yes, this was before Boundary School.)

One day when the resentment in me was too strong, I had a moment of awareness! I noticed the very clear invitations of the Principal always landed in me as a must. A demand even. It could've been the power dynamics of him being the boss. Or the precarity of my job since Blackness and job security are often at odds. Or because I related to requests from white men as higher stakes due to being conditioned by the colonial residue in everything. Or it could've been this man’s height, he was a towering over kind of tall with his Ivy League degree looking like a white oak tree in this very Black school where I literally had to look up to him. Whatever it was, the weight became unbearable with every "request."

Frustrated, I met his request with truth soon after my awareness:

"I actually have plans already, but I must confess…I always say yes to you only because I have been afraid of saying no."

He looked distraught and reassured me that I could always say no. Always. I challenged this because there are expectations in the workplace that, when not met, have negative consequences and I was not the best at discerning this difference. I requested his support as I was healing from chronic apology.

"After you make a request, can you explicitly say that I can choose no?" I was inviting him to become an ally as I decolonized my inner landscape rather than have him benefit from the unconscious ways of being that were operating in the School District.

I share all of this to say that far too many Black people have apologetically told me that they don't get to read all my writings. They say they are sorry. And I meet them with, "you don't have to read everything. And I'm so moved by you engaging with the ones you have read." Then something melts and the relationship is restored.

A decolonial change gon' come.

All of this is to say that I will only be in your email inboxes on Mondays. (One exception is if someone like Jennifer Hudson invites me to her show for UNRULY or Essence Magazine writes something about me. A girl can dream!!)

I will continue to write (and post) daily through the year because this experiment is about discovering my own creative abundance and I honor the flow that is flowing. (This is my 178th post btw!!) Daily I will post on the Substack platform and if you want to engage you can visit my profile and view anything that calls to you. And on Mondays my emailed post will include summaries of posts from the previous week along with individual links if you want to go deeper than the summary.

This change is to support subscribers being in choice. This change is a minimalistic, trauma-informed invitation where I treat your inbox similar to how I treat my own. This change also acknowledges how collective trauma moves at a really fast pace, so if you find yourself feeling more and more disoriented lately, it is the world feeling faster. In these times, it is important to slow down, find your breath and your footing, and simplify the parts of your life where you have agency. I am also in this process for myself. I am supporting you in this process as well because nobody needs any extra doses of sorry in their life right now. We need to be in choice as much as possible.

Thank you for all of your witness, support, and encouragement. See y'all in your inbox next Monday! See y'all on the platform whenever you like.

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Support my debut book UNRULY, Legacy Book Press, LLC 2025

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